So you have given the go ahead nod to having an arranged marriage. Congratulations on taking the big step. But this is just the first step. Times have changed drastically from when our parents were in a similar scenario as compared to today. Earlier, if the boy had a good family, a good salary and no bad habits, it was enough to say yes. But today, it really matters if you two are compatible as individuals or not.
So here are a few things you should keep in mind before jumping into making it official.
Give It Time
If two individuals are attracted to one another, the ‘crush’ phase lasts for around 4 to 6 months. That’s the phase you happily adjust your personality to whatever suits the other person. This stops your from knowing whether or not you two are really compatible or not. It won’t matter if he hates Chinese food to the core, he might just play along to love it, because you love it. Also, it’s easy to be on your best behaviour for a few months. You will never know about the drawbacks of a person until you have been with him or her for while. Remember how Genelia D’souza’s fiance in Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na seemed so sweet at first but then turned out to be abusive? That happens in real life too!
Go Out On Dates
Do you hear your family gasping on this one? Doesn’t matter. Put your foot down. If you won’t spend time with him, how are you supposed to know if he’s right for you? And make sure the dates are a mix of array of things. Go for lunches and dinners so you can talk, and go for things like bowling, workshops, etc to see how he is as an individual. (Example: Competitive, rude, nice, laid back, etc).
Talk And Talk A Lot
Topics ranging from your likes and dislikes to your views on how you will handle your fiances after your marriage to your opinions on having kids to even sexual views. Do not hesitate. There have been several cases where the husband or wife turn out not only to be impotent, but scared of any sexual activity all together. Yes, true stories. You both are adults and are looking at a possibility of sharing your life together. Such discussions are needed and important. You do not want to be stuck in a marriage where he insists on indulging in sexual activities you are not interested in or wants to have a kid while you are not ready.
Do Your Background Research
Feel no shame in stalking him on over his social networking pages. Google him. See if there are any mutual friends and speak to them. Ask your entire family to help you. This is extremely necessary because it’s very easy to hide things he may not want you to know.
Do Not Crumble Under Pressure
Many Indian families still think if the boy is nice, has a good job and comes from a good family, two to three meetings are more than enough. For some reason, it “looks bad” if the boy and girl are meeting so many times without making it official in the arranged marriage scenario. But put your foot down. Take your time. And at the end, if you are even 1% unsure, take more time, or say no. Know the value of your life.
And with the end of the points, we wish you all the very best in finding your perfect life partner. Do write to us and tell us if you have an interesting arranged marriage story to share on firstname.lastname@example.org