If we head to a wedding in the west, you hear whispers like “Oh my god! She’s gorgeous!” as the bride gracefully walks down the aisle. And the emotions are similar throughout the ceremony and the event. But back here, in India, the scene is quite different. Judging the venue, the decorations, the food is one thing, but why do we go straight up towards judging the person?
The ladkiwaalas (the girl’s side) will be heard saying things like: “ladke ki job xyz hai. Theek hi hai” or “acha, ladka kaayasth hai?” or “ladke ki height thodi choti reh gayi” and it goes on and on and on.
The ladkewaalas (boy’s side) scene is also a similar case.
Why do we spend so much time judging the choices of others? And judging someone we hardly know? And it’s not just during the weddings. It happens otherwise too. How many times have you , or seen your mom having a discussion with your aunt or grand mom about the boy your second cousin has chosen?
“Job toh theek hi hai.” (His job is decent)
“Dikhta toh acha hai” (Looks good)
“Nahin. Acha hi hoga.” (No no. He must be good only)
26 year old Nisha (name changed) tells us, “I remember my mom and grandmother once spoke for half an hour discussing the girl my distant cousin had chosen. They haven’t met her, but just know about her and have seen her social media profile a few times. And yet, they went on and on discussing this girl they hasn’t even met.”
So why does this happen? Why do we do this? On the outside, this sort of behaviour looks terrible. But we know our mothers, grand mothers, chachis, maamis, etc don’t mean any harm.
Perhaps this sort of behaviour stems from the fact that in olden days ( actually till 2 decades back), when a wedding would be arranged, the whole extended family would come together to see how the potential spouse is and whether or not he would be a good match. They would carefully evaluate all points and then come to a conclusion. They weren’t being judgmental, but were just trying to see if the would be spouse would be a good match. They didn’t mean to be rude. (In fact, they don’t even mean to be rude now.)
Cut to today. Youngsters are now choosing their own partners. Or even if it’s an arranged marriage, the future bride / groom is more in command than before and only immediate family is involved in the process.
So do you think somewhere, this whole judging really just stems from the olden days tradition which today, does not accommodate the extended relatives? Do share with us your thoughts!
- Weddings : Are we for reel (real)? (timetravellersink.wordpress.com)
- The Engagement (rekhadhyani.wordpress.com)