From the outside, he seems modern, progressive and overall, pretty chilled out. But few know the man he would turn into when he slips into the role of a boyfriend (and in many cases, husband).
In fact, many girls don’t even realize what happens when they get into the relationship. Suddenly, he stops liking your guy friends, doesn’t like you going out without him, doesn’t like you drinking without him, the dress is too short now, and so on and so forth.
So how, and why, is it that this educated, modern girl puts up with such a partner? The answer is the gradual pace of such behaviour. It may start with both doing things together. Then one day, he’s not available and maybe it’s the girl who chooses not to go. Next time, he cribs when she plans to go by herself. Her love for him overcomes her, and she decide to stay with him (or not go) instead. No big deal.
But then this continues. And instead of cribbing his way around, he starts ordering her. Initially, it’s okay. Because the couple would want to spend a lot of time together. New love. He starts checking her phone, and she lets him do it. He starts doing a lot more things that aren’t okay, but she lets him do it because it’s still new love.
But once the honeymoon / puppy love period starts to wear off, the girl starts getting a little bothered. But by now, she is tangled too deep in. On one hand, the couple’s relationship is getting more stable (having survived the puppy love phase), but on the other hand, she starts feeling annoyed at such things.
The next time he checks her phone, or asks her not to go out with her friends, she conveys to him, her displeasure. He doesn’t get it.
“Where is this problem suddenly coming from? You never had a problem with such things! It’s always been like this!” he protests.
She explain to him that she doesn’t like it and never has. He doesn’t get it. He thinks she has changed. The couple fights and to end it all, the girl gives in. And this continues.
Some girls take it for years before finally breaking up. Some girls just don’t even break up.
The entire problem can be solved by just fighting the puppy love for the boy and making it very clear to him, from the beginning itself that such restrictions / orders will not be entertained in the relationship. And stick by that word.
If he’s smart, he’ll understand. If he’s stubborn, he’ll stick by his word and you two will break up before it gets serious.
But the next time you see such signs of a possessive boy, early in a relationship, stop and make it clear to him that it isn’t okay.